Few days ago (maybe two days), a guy friend told me “You are special, strong and ambitious. One day, you will find someone that understand you and he will be attracted to you intensely”. I guess so. Then I remember I also told him “Sometimes being too ambitious is not good. Because I feel lonely, a bit, just a little bit” . I was honest. I do feel lonely, sad, or even sort of depressed. But I guess it is normal, isn’t it? I still remember the movie “Inside out”, the most significant message I got from that animation movie is that “When we grow up, it’s not just Joy (well, the character name) that make sense of our lives, but also sadness, anger, confusion – all need to collaborate well to make us — happy, I suppose. It would be too much for us to hold up to being joyful all the time. We all have to learn to accept our non-linear emotion graph eventually. So, it is not my singleness, which causes my depressing moments. It is life, and I loathe when one of my friend insists on making me to admit that I’m lonely because I have no partner. Well, to be honest, his persistence confuse me sometimes. I questioned myself as well whether he was right.
Then, I read a blog post today, and completely relieved. People are doing the same as what I am doing out there. There are women who are working, living their lives to the fullest. They, or let me say we, are totally ready to fall in love and hope to be loved in return. But we are not sitting around and waiting. We are not letting life slip out like that. We choose to do whatever we love, to explore the world, and to enjoy every single moment of life. We accept sadness, depression, or any down mood as inevitable elements of life. We are willing to love and to be loved. But let borrow something from Buddhism – “It is written”. When it is time, we meet the one, then we fall in love. For now, live well because each day is a precious gift that we should never forget to cherish.
I have a new obsession recently. It’s tarot reading. I’m not normally superstitious. Well, I am, but not super superstitious, like believing in bad luck associated with black cat (my neighbour has one, and it jumps to my backyard everyday) or blood moon (I still regret not to go see blood moon the other day). Yet, the lady who did the tarot reading for me was amazing. I couldn’t explain how she could possibly read me so well. Maybe there is something in life that I can’t scientifically explain. She might have “sensed my energy” (according to her saying). And her house was like Harry Potter movie, which complimented the reading so well.
Anyway, I am not trying to advertise for her right now (even though she is seriously unconceivable, and magical). I am talking about the effect of having a tarot reading, which I call “mental spa” now. I have been telling myself day after day about keeping positive energy, about mindfulness, about keep my worry away. You know, it’s not so convincing when you are telling yourself something, is it? Then comes the tarot reading. Like my case, I found a good lady, who had successfully and convincingly read me. I felt relieved. There are many things which is not easily to explain to friends, or even to speak it out loud. When the lady read me, the feeling that someone understands and sympathizes with me was so overwhelming. It felt like she was taking away the burden and replacing it with many positive aspects. The best thing was that I did not have to say one single word, but sat back and got amazed by how she was describing my life. Honestly, I was more into the “mental spa” aspect of the reading, than concerned with my future that she had said. I was relieved, and convinced into something that is easier to handle for my little exhausted brain. I think everyone should try to have tarot reading, for the sake of being mentally pampered. I mean, if you are a rational and strong-minded person – in the sense that you don’t get affected too much by the surrounding – then you will find this an extreme comforting experience.
P.S: I guess I should bring K. photo for a reading (she can “sense energy” from a photo too, she did it for my friend and brother. And it was so true) before I go to Montreal. Well, just to calm my mind or maybe to have an energy boost so I can text him ( or not, because she may say we are not meant together. OMG!! Then what should I do? – mind-torturing moment again!!!!)